"Where is the line between dreams and reality?"
|Gear||An oak staff, six and a half feet long and three inches thick. At the top, there is a silver sphere with four small sapphires, two sets of one across from the other, like a cross. At the other end, though the tip is flat, it is ringed by small, sharp blades.|
|Behind the Mask|
Well, more than likely, the first thing you'll notice about me is that I'm, uh, six feet and nine inches tall. After that, I dunno, maybe that I'm kind of overweight? Three hundred and thirty pounds is a good bit even for someone my size, though I suppose I'm not doing TOO bad there. Um... My hair is brown, fairly short and rather messy, as I don't take care of it too well. Oh, right, you'll probably notice that I wear spectacles. I'm nearsighted enough that I have trouble even reading without them, so it'd be a bad idea for me to go without. Speaking of my eyes, they're green. ...Well I had to work it in somehow.
For clothing... It generally doesn't matter too much to me, as long as it's comfortable, easy to move in, and REALLY easy to put on. I don't like taking effort with my clothes, to be honest. I do prefer colors with a medium-dark shade, and tend to like cool colors over warm, but I'm not really too picky.
Well, if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of awkward. I tend to be pretty introverted and quiet for the most part, and when I do talk I'm likely to stumble over my words constantly. It's really hard for me to get my words together when I can't see them, a lot of the time. It doesn't help that I tend to have, well, almost no confidence. I'm afraid of annoying people or screwing something up somehow even when just trying to speak, and I'm constantly second-guessing what I'm saying.
I usually try to be pretty nice, and helpful, but I have an inability to tolerate unbridled idiocy. When I can't reason with someone, I will get frustrated very, VERY quickly. I do like poking holes in logic, but actually trying to debate against someone whose logic is blatantly screwed up does not work and leaves me with an overwhelming urge to strangle them. Or at least blow them up with a fireball. I'm not likely to ACT on that, in most cases, even though I may well do a great deal of pondering if doing so would be a favor to the world...
I can't stand seeing others upset or in pain, and usually try to do what I can to find out what's wrong at any given time and help them with it. If I can't help, I may occasionally get rather depressed depending on the circumstances, sometimes becoming more upset about my inability to help than the other person is upset at all.
To be honest, I think I kind of have some self-esteem issues. My failures tend to hit home a lot harder than my successes lift my spirits, and I tend to notice, or at least fear, lots of little failures even when other people see only success. I often wonder how much of a positive impact I've really had on anyone's lives, or ever will, and if I'll ever overcome my failings. For all I think that choice can overcome nature, how much have I shown that so far? No matter how much I want to help make the world better, I still haven't done that much, and sometimes I wonder if I'm just making things worse...
Ah, where to begin? Well, I guess I'll start with my parents. They were nobles, here in Kirkwall. My father was an intellectual, but also a devout Andrastian. He was quite a bit more talkative than I am, but I will say that he was, well, even worse with conflict than I am. My mother had him wrapped around her little finger, as unreasonable and childish as I knew she was even when I loved her. That last bit I'll explain later, first things first.
I showed magical talent when I was young enough that I don't really remember it. From what I'm told, my dad wanted to send me to the Circle, but my mother stopped him. He gave in to her, and they found an apostate to tutor me, named Elrys. They paid very well, actually.
Once I had my magic sufficiently under control, I went through normal schooling as well. As a child, I never did get along well with others. Mostly due to being, well, an unreasonable brat. Despite the praise I got for my intelligence, the truth was that anything which took actual effort set me off, I didn't think I could do it. I had... Many, many difficulties.
I improved, eventually. Sadly I still remained unreasonable until approximately two years ago, but it can't be helped. When I wasn't in schooling, I enjoyed reading novels. Stories of things I would never see, ideas that sparked wonder of other worlds, and eventually what I might do with this world.
The day eventually came, however, when things would change. My father fell gravely ill near the end of last, and no healer was able to cure him. Without him, things fell apart. My mother was unable to manage the estate, becoming increasingly unstable. She could not manage the estate, and I came to be, frankly, miserable. The servants could not take care of both her and I in this state. It progressed further and further, things getting worse and worse, and I could not stand to be around her.
Eventually, Elrys made an offer to me, seeing the grave state in which things were. If I was willing, I could come to Lowtown to stay with him. He would take care of me far better than my mother was capable of, and I would not be near her madness. If I did not come, I would likely have little choice later. Things were collapsing, one way or another.
To be honest, I do not remember the many factors that led to my decision. Though it was not long ago at all, time has blurred so much. However, I made that decision. I knew I could not stay, and so I went to live with him.
Once I was away from my mother's influence, he told me the truth. My mother's madness was not recent. She was more than just foolish and childish. She was devious, and had lied to me all my life to make me distrust others, and be dependent on her, worship her. Looking back... I saw it. She was a terrible person, a monster. And I was glad to be away from her...
He continued to teach me of magic, and took care of me using the great amount of money which he gained over the years, tutoring me. Life had actually changed little, as he had books enough to keep me sustained for some time. ...However, what peace is there which lasts?
As it turned out, Elrys had enemies. I knew he often went out on his own business, but I didn't know what that business was. Evidently, however, it drew the wrath of the criminals in the area. One day, we were attacked. They didn't want me, so I was least affected by the surprise. However, Elrys was wounded quickly, and that first wound was enough to turn the tide of battle against us. Though I survived the battle, winning against those... Those bastards, I was not able to save him.
It has not been long since then. I don't know what to do, truly. I have never been on my own before, and I'm not sure I know enough to take care of myself. However, I cannot just sit idle, doing nothing but survive from day to day. I will not waste this power I have been given. I will do what I can to make this city a better place, for now. Perhaps, someday, I can make the world a better place as well. I know little of how to begin, however. I have a great deal to learn, and I must start learning now.