General Shit About Our BallsEdit

The Rivaini are considered a strange people by most nations in Thedas. This is probably because they have massive, metal balls. The bigger your balls are, the higher one's social standing or rank. Sometimes we even get our balls pierced, just to show how cocksure we are. They do not follow the Chantry; instead, they are ballsy pantheists who believe in the Natural Order of Having Copious Cojones. This means that we can drink and fuck all we like.

Magic and ShitEdit

Rivaini don't have a lot of prohibitions on magic, because they've got brass balls that are far bigger than those of the other nations. They revere their Seers -- ballsy local hedge witches who converse with spirits, even allowing themselves to trip balls, saying they are doing so for the benefit of their villages' balls.

The Balls We Suck And The Ones We Don'tEdit

During the wars, the Qunari busted Rivain's balls, and there are many tales of asskickings, teabaggings and curbstomping on both sides of Rivain's balls-to-the-walls history. The Qunari balls were yoinked back to the north when the peace treaty known as the Llomerryn Accords was negotiated. The Qunari have made their mark upon the Rivaini, who have acquired some of their massive balls over the centuries. A badass version of the Qun has gained popularity in Rivain, and the city of Kont-aar -- a Qunari clusterfuck in northern Rivain -- has spent its time rubbing balls with the Rivaini for years. Nowhere in Thedas is there a greater amount of asskissing and balls-hugging between the two cultures. Some people call for Kont-aar to be retaken, but those fuckers are stupid and deserve to be kicked in the balls. I mean, no one messes with the Qunari and makes it out with their balls intact. But the ones who desire peace, sex and trade with the Qunari see it as beneficial to Rivain's balls. It's kind of like we're friends with benefits.

The Rivaini have a peaceful relationship with the elves, who kinda float around near Llomerryn and eat all our wild food. This is also kind of like a friends-with-benefits relationship, except instead it's more like friends-with-awkward-sexual-tension.


Rivain has a metric shitton of pirates wavin' their balls all over the place.



Famous Badasses From RivainEdit


Characters from Rivain

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